How do you set up your home so it helps you be the person you want to be?
This question sits at the intriguing intersections of home, design, psychology and personal development, and it’s easy to miss because it’s like the water we swim in.
The average person spends over two-thirds of their life at home. Nearly half of that home time is spent sleeping. The rest is a mix of working, chores, eating, relationships, leisure, and noodling around on TV and the internet.
What if those decades of your life spent at home—even the mundane things—could help you expand toward the life you want to have?
That’s the question I’ve been researching. I’ve interviewed individuals about their homes in places from Tehran, Iran to Port-au-Prince, Haiti and beyond. After observing through the lens of human-centered design research, patterns emerged about what helps people’s lives flourish in their homes. It’s surprisingly similar across cultures.
So how do you adjust your home to build the life you want?
Let’s get practical. Here are 3 adjustments you can make so your home supports a holistically happier life.
None of them involve packing boxes and moving!
1. Hosting for authentic connection
Depending on your introverted or extroverted personality, you’ll want more or less time solo or with people. It’s valuable to know this about yourself so you can sustain your energy levels and recharge with or away from people.
As valuable as knowing who you are is, you also wonder: who do you want to become?
Maybe you’re a late-night clubber who wants to get more reflective solitude time. Maybe you’re a bookworm-ish hermit who wants to make more friends. And perhaps your partner, roommate, kids, or pets are the polar opposite of you!
Luckily for anyone, I think there’s a one size fits all tool for your personal development at home: hosting intimate dinner parties.
Prepare ahead of time to wow your guests. Host a few people around your table for good food and storytelling. Create an opportunity for authentic, vulnerable connection. You and your guests will love it!
One way to move yourself toward a happier life is to host people in your home.
2. Cherishing prized possessions to remember what matters
What do I mean by prized possessions?
Prized possessions are things you appreciate. There’s a sentimental connection, a story behind them, or they remind you of your values. Even for people who say “I’m not a sentimental person,” I bet you have at least one thing in your home that you prize.
For example, one of my prized possessions is my cast iron skillet.
On it I perfected my recipe for anise seed broccoli and reverse-seared steak. I use it every single day. Using it often is one thing, but what it represents to me is another.
That skillet has moved from place to place with me for a decade—through (I just counted) 9 homes! My mid-20’s were pretty wild and nomadic!
That skillet represents my value for stability in the midst of change and finding steadiness in substantial things that will outlast me. In fact, I already plan on passing it down as a family heirloom.
What is one of your prized possessions? How might it represent your values?
Understand and prize your special possessions to step confidently into a happier life.
3. Engaging your space to care for your mental health
One key finding from my research so far is defining what people mean when they say they “feel at home.”
Here’s what they mean: people “feel at home” when their environment matches their state of mind, mood, and values.
- When tired, you want to be in a quiet, dark room.
- When excited, you want to listen to loud, upbeat music.
- When hopeful, you want to look out your window off into the distance.
Your inner emotional state seeks out an external environment where it belongs.
When you know this is how mental wellness & home environment work, you can use this insight intentionally.
Maybe one day you’re sad after a hard day at work. But you and your roommates are hosting a dinner party later. What can you do to care for your mood?
Take care of yourself by getting home from work, putting on a sentimental film soundtrack, jumping into a warm shower, and possibly shedding a few tears. It won’t solve everything at work, but it will help you engage your surroundings to care for your mental health.
Engage your space for emotional wellness so you can keep growing and showing up in your life.
These have been three of many adjustments you can make to your home to keep stretching into a happier life. Try them out and let me know what you think on Twitter or Instagram.
Matt Barrios is a researcher, writer, & coach based in San Francisco, CA. He explores global perspectives on home at Homelife Design Lab, and he co-hosts the Homelife for Extraordinary Impact podcast. You can reach him on LinkedIn, Twitter or Instagram.
To see more of the home in the featured image and find out what creates the unique gallery wall, read on here. For more inspiration on what’s possible for your home, browse our many house tours to see how others have tackled the process of making their dwelling places a home that suits their lives, styles and needs.
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